fml!

this whole entire thing is ruined because i deleted the picture for today without saving it to my computer or putting it on here. i'm done and never again will i do one of these again.
it was fun while it lasted.

i'm so much like you.

I went to Adam's today. It was fun and interesting. :D

what if i actually peed?

Lmao.

Adam came over today. It was hilarious. I had a good time. (:

Mr. Hinchman look alike, Billy Mays died today. :(

oh fuck me.

I love my mommie. :D


It's mine and Adam's three months today. (: Our original plans changed. And now we're going to the Stars and Stripes Festivial in Mt. Clemons. I'm excited! :D

it's the life i love,

And it's you I can't live without.


Went to Adam's today! That was hot! ;D Then later we went to the spree together. That was fun! I saw Ashley there too, and we talked for a little. I miss her. And I saw Amber! I miss her too! I had a good day, and I can't wait til tomorrow. (:

break the bottle! break it up!

Adam came over early today. That was hot! :D

I feel terrible because I broke a promise to Jessica. And she already hates promises. Ahh! :(

Went to see The Proposal with Lauren and Rachel today. It was really good! And then we went to Rachel's to swim. It was fun to catch up with them again.

Michael Jackson died today. :(

it isn't easy to show,

what I'm feeling inside, girl.

Went to Mcdonald's for lunch today with Josh. I guess it was alright. Rode my bike and met Adam at Franklin. Sat there for a while and then went to 711 to get a Slurpee. Then we sat in the shade and talked about life. It was cute. (:

YOSHI KART DS !

I went to Adam's again today. We watched Meet The Parents. It was alright. Then we kinda just sat around doing nothing. And then we played YOSHI Kart, instead of MARIO Kart. And that was fun! And then after was fun too. Now I'm about to eat some ice cream. (:

there's no running away from the things that bring you down.

I went to Adam's today. It was fun!

what's the price for flight?

It's Father's Day. So of course I did absolutely nothing since dad and I never do anything together. I took a nap. That was enjoyable. And I talked to Adam, which is also enjoyable. I'm bored out of my mind. Oh well.

give me the fucking gum!

Hahahaha.
I drove like a monster today. Badass.
Went out to eat at this pie place, and it was amazing.
Adam came over after, and that was wonderful. And soo cute. :)
Now I'm going to bed cause I don't feel too good. /:

lost in a world of fantasy,

Cleaned all day.
Rewarded myself by going to Lauren's with Jessica. It was fun!

i win!

I hung out with Adam today. (: We went to the mall. And we saw the cutest little midget best friends riding scooters together. Awh! We also saw Kevin squared. I miss Kevin. Then we went back to his house and had a pillow fight. And I lost. It was just good to be with him again. It seemed like everything was the way that it was supposed to be.

i'm a wreck without you.

Today was offically the worst day of my life. I realized that I'm not even close to as strong as I think I am. I've completely isolated myself from everyone, excluding Adam and Maria. I HAVE NO ONE. And if anything were to happen that they would be out of my life, I'd go crazy. And I'm glad I finally realize it. It's like I don't have to lie to myself anymore. It's like, I know who I am.

Hello World,

I'm Brianna.

I'm weak.

And I'm a wreck.

where you goin now?

Today was the most boring day of my life. I'm tired of sitting around doing nothing.

give me your hand, but realize i just wanna say goodbye.

Today is June 15th, and I KNOW with everything that I have that SOMETHING important happened on this day last year. I just can't think of what it is. I thought that it was a day that Josh and I hung out, and I looked really cute. But then I realized that I was wrong because the shirt that I wore I got on Ashley's birthday, and her birthday is the 17th. And then I thought that it was the last time that Audrey and I hung out, but I knew that was wrong because the last time her and I hung out was in July. It may be a possibility that I hung out with Ashley for the first time in a long time. Or it could have been the last day of school. I don't remember. But I know that something happened, and it's going to drive me crazy until I figure it out.

I went looking for a job today. I found nothing! There is one though, at Potbelly, and I applied for it, but I don't think I'll get it because on the application they asked if I was 18 or older. And I'm not. So I kinda think they want someone older than 16, which sucks. If I don't find a job, then there's really no point in getting my license because I will have no money to fill up the gas tank, therefore, I won't be able to drive.

Maria is leaving today and it will be the last time that her and I text for two months! She won't respond right now, but I hope that she decides to, because I need her. These next two months are gonna be hell. I can feel it. /:

I thought that I looked cute today, but then I couldn't take a decent picture. And I kinda look like a creeper. And I also don't think I can figure out any possible way to try to make myself look better, because everytime I try, I just feel like I'm uglier. I blame my face. I have such an odd shaped face, and it throws me off. And my hair is uncontrollable, and that kills my appearance too. Ugh, hopefully I can figure out something.

I'm overstressed, can't you tell? /:

i'm falling apart again,

I got my period today, and it's the happiest I've ever been for one.



I didn't do much of anything today. I didn't drive, because I didn't feel like it. I'm not really handling Maria leaving too well, but I'm keeping it in the back of my mind. I tried to get a tan today. It kind of worked. I've been listening to music nonstop and I'm discovering new meanings to songs. I bought new markers today! So of course I have to color. I still have to color something for Adam. He also told me that he reads the things that I write for him. And it made me feel good. He said I'm a good writer. The only reason I continue to write is for him. I read over my essay that I wrote for english a while back. And I realized that it's really well written. No wonder I got 100% on it. I'm saving it. And I found this thing I wrote for english about Maria. I love it. And I'm going to rewrite it for her, and make up a date for it and add it to my collection of favorite writings. I'm redoing that today, too. It's the 3rd day of summer, and I'm already bored. :(

i'll go wherever you will go.

I drove a little bit today. That was alright.

I went to Maria's today. It was fun. But I never really wanted to believe that she was actually leaving. But then when she started playing the songs from the CD I made her in 8th grade, all reality broke lose. When we said goodbye, I cried so hard. Two months is way too long. :(

Adam came over after dinner. That was cute, and fun. He was being dumb at some points, but it's okay. He made up for it. I really missed him.

first day of summer !

And of course I did absolutely nothing.

I drove to Grandma's today in my new car. :) That was fun. And probably the highlight of today.

I'm 100% alright! And I'm glad. No more peeing, no more worrying!

I've been mad at myself all day for not saying goodbye to Chase yesterday. I'm going to miss him so much.

And I also have been thinking that I wish I wasn't crying at the end of the day because Alfonso might have gave me my song.

Hmmm, I'm bored and I really don't want to hear anything else about this car.

last day of school !

I am sooo happy.

I passed my ASMM final with a 92 A-, leaving my final grade at a 97 A. And I passed my bio final with a 92 A- also, leaving my final grade at a 93 A-. I'm pretty happy with my finals this semester.

It was Rachel's birthday, so her, Lauren, Leslie and I hung out. I also got to meet her friend Bridgette. She's nice. I had fun. The only thing I didn't like was the food, and the fact that I had to pee so much. Oh well. I'm so glad I don't have to go to school tomorrow.

"I was thinking the other day. What purpose do I have in life, like why am i here? And honestly, you're the only thing I could come up with, like giving you advice and being there for you. I'm sure eventually the list will grow but as of now, that's all I have."
--And this is why you're my best friend.

"Well, Brianna Marie Beesmer. I love you so much that if the world were to end, I would want to spend my last minutes with you, no joke. I love you so much that everytime I think about you, I get this feeling inside me saying she is the one. I love you so much that when you look at me the way you do, it reminds me that you do love me. I love you so much that everytime our lips touch, I know that these are the last lips that I will kiss. You mean the absolute world to me and I will love you until the day I die."
--I love you so much that if I were to ever lose you, I would literally die.

obviously, i believe you.

I had a good day today!

My Spanish final was soo easy. I ended up passing it with a 92 A-, leaving my final grade at a 98 A. :) I'm very happy about that! The culture is what messed me up. And the English final kind of confused me, to be honest. But I did better than I thought! I got a 84 B, leaving my final grade at a 99 A. :) Yay. I'm doing good in school this half of the year.

After school was fun. I went to Adam's house with Rachel, Dylan, Tyler and Andrew. It was fun to hang out with Rachel again and actually talk to her some more about serious issues. It was a good day. :)

is that your vibrater?

Lmfao. :)

Finals were pretty alright today. 87 B+ on History, which leaves me with a 92 A- as a final grade. I'm glad, because that final was kind of hard. Algebra is my worst class. 75 C on it. It leaves me with a 88 B+ as a final grade. That's good, but I wanted all A's.

It was the last day I am ever going to have a class with Chase, and with Tyler. It was pretty upsetting for both of them. I'm gonna miss them. Tyler and I had a meaningful conversation today. And he pretty much let me know that everything was going to be okay.

Adam, Jessica and I went to Rite Aid after school today just to find out that it was closed! But I realized that all these things that are happening is a sign from God. Like, the only reason that the Rite Aid was closed was to prove that I don't need to take a test. And that I'm really not pregnant. I'm glad too, because I honestly have no idea what I would have done if I was.

I hung out with Jessica for the first time ever today. It was fun! I had a good time, and we're definatley going to do it again.

Tomorrow should be tons and tons and tons of fun! I'm excited that school is almost over. :)

look at me, i'm so far away.

Oh my God. I honestly do not think today could have been any worse. Everyone was just pissing me off in ways that I can't even explain. Pregnancy was definately the topic of the day. It was haunting me. Everyone was talking about it. Like, it was reminding me that it could be happening to me right now. I was worried and scared out of my mind all day. And the fact of others finding out about it was making me even more frustrated. I don't even know what to do.



Jessica was there for me, though. All day. And I am so glad because I have no idea what I would have done without her.



Adam and I talked about it, and about life, and what's going on. And after our conversation, I was like 99.9% (ha) better about the whole thing. He and I are meant to be, I can tell.



I'm scared for tomorrow, but I'm actually looking forward to it. Like Jessica said, not knowing is the hardest part.

i'm better than you at everything!

Yeah, right. :)

I went to Adam's today. :) It was fun. We probably laughed harder than we ever have when we were together. It was fun, and it was cute. :)

I don't wanna go back to school, /:

how does she do it?!

Hahahaha, (:

Hung out with Adam alll day today. :) We hung out at Tyler's. Then we went to Eastside Mario's with Tyler and Andrew. The stupid waiter gave himself a 8 dollar tip, asssssholeeeee. We went to Adam's after, and they played Rock Band while Adam and I hung out alone. (: Then Tyler had to leave, and Andrew, being the kind man that he is, left us home alone. (: We had a good time. So today was a good day. :D

"I love you more than anything, baby. :)"

--Tell me, how would you feel if you're riding home and you unexpectedly got a text like this?

---Absolutely amazing. <3

tyler is a gay alcoholic!

Yay for Lauren and I, for figuring out Tyler's true identity. (:

Yay for Adam, for making my day 100% better. Also Yay for Adam, for being so cute, and loving everything I said, and mostly for loving me.

Without Lauren and Adam, today would have been hell.

tyler hates...

Lauren ! :)

Haha, today wasn't really one of the best days of my life. It was like, the day female teachers attack I swear. Hruska, Bennett, BAKER BITCH!, and Wells ALLL pissed me off like no other. But I got over it.

Today's mom's birthday. (: We went out to eat at Chili's and I decided I hate food.

Went to Adam's after and oh my goodness, it was amazing. :)

well... bad!

Boring school day. Actually, it was kind of bad too. Oh well.

Hung out with Lauren after school and it was fun. :D And then Rachel came over and that was fun too. :)

I guess I had an alright day, but I'm kinda upset now... /:

"Well first off you are the love of my life and I couldn't be happier with any other person. You are such an amazing person and you complete me. You took my virginity and you are the person who I wanted the most to be my first. Brianna Marie Beesmer, you are the love of my life. Love you."

it doesn't matter who gets the best of who,

It never did and it never will.

Haley is officially out of my life and surprisingly, I'm okay with it.

Adam came over after school. :) It was fun.

That's pretty much it for the day.

hey, what do you say?

Omg, today was not a good day. I am still sick! Randomly now Mrs. Hruska decides to give us work, cool ! And Mrs. Bennett feels that the whole class should review when clearly, I know what I'm doing and I know Tyler and a few others do too! Oh yeah, I got 100% on the last algebra test! Better than Tyler! Yay! The new thing we learned in Spanish is so easy, but I'm for real tired of that class. I hate Mrs. Wells, enough said. Mr. O'brien fricken ruined my whole thing by being a jerk and a distraction and I hate him. Biology is always boring and it's beginning to annoy me. Ugh, it was just not my day. But Adam was being extremely cute today, which was good because he needed to be.

And because I'm too lazy and actually like how yesterday's post looks, I'll post the conversation Adam and on had on today even though it happened last night.

"I don't even know how you could forgive me."

"Honestly, I don't know either cause you really pissed me off. I've never been more mad at you than I am tonight. And you know what I can't stop thinking about? You. And how lucky I am to have someone who cares and actually loves me. And how miserable I'd be without you. And how I can't stand it when we fight, but I know that the only reason we do is because we love each other. And I know I worry too much and I know I need to stop, and I do. But then there's a random thought that pops into my head like, what if I were to lose you right now?And that's why I worry. Because I don't wanna lose you. And that's why I care because I feel that if I care enough, I won't lose you. And you wanna know why i'm forgiving you? Because I'm in love... With you."

"You just made me cry both good and bad. That was probably the best thing ever said to me. God damnit, Brianna. I fucking love you so much!"

"I did not mean to make you cry, but that is how i feel and you need to know that. It won't change, I promise you. I love you too, Adam, with all I have and more."

"I'm glad you did. I deserve to cry with you. I care about you so much and I need to show you. You mean the whole fucking world to me, no joke. I couldn't ask for anyone better than you. You complete me. You make me feel like someone gives a shit that I'm here. YOU love me! You know how there is one person out there for everyone and you have to find them? Well, shit, I found my match and her name is Brianna Marie Beesmer. I love you and everything about you and nothing or anyone will ever fucking change that. I swear to God if somethings takes us apart, I don't even know what I'd do. I love you."