I finally removed the red hair tie that Alfonso gave me from my wrist. I used to wear it all the time and then when we stopped talking, I took it off. I left it in my purse and when he and I started talking again, he asked me to put it back on. So I did. But I noticed now that him and I don't ever talk anymore. And when we do, he's just an annoyance to me. I feel like he's no longer a part of me, but I think it's okay. He was basically my life support. I couldn't get by without him. But then Adam became a part of my life, which lead to my pushing out Alfonso. I feel so terrible to think it. And even more terrible to say or write it. But now that I know Adam is here to stay, I don't need Alfonso.
I knew that I would explode at least once today, but who knew that I would take it to the extreme that I did. My jealousy is becoming a problem and I really don't like it. It's like, the minute that I see Adam talking to another girl, I wanna hit her. And the minute that he mentions something about another girl, even if he's insulting her, I want to get her out of his mind and make him only think of me. I'm selfish when it comes to him, and I'm not sharing with anyone. Tyler is the only exception and that's only because they're best friends. Now that I realize it, him saying that he misses Haley isn't even that big of deal. Like, she was crying and he didn't go after her. And if I was crying, he would have came after me. And he proved it. When I tried to get up and leave him today, he pulled me back, sat me down, put his arm around me and told me that it was going to be okay. I knew that I had to stop worrying, I just couldn't. The things that he says when I'm down are so cute. Like, he's never leaving, he's not going to get mad at me for anything, he's happy, he loves me... I don't know. It just makes me feel so much better than all of the other girls in the world, just because I have him. And I actually kinda believe that I'm better than them. I really don't deserve him, but everything that's ever happened between us just proves to me that we're really meant to be together. And I couldn't be happier. :)
Deep conversations are always good, but when they're with Adam, they're even better. Laying on his bed, as close as we can be, looking into each others eyes, just telling each other about our life. We talk about the ways that we were taught to love. I feel so much when I'm with him. We exchange stories from our past about how when we were with someone else, or talking to someone else, and we'd just think about each other the whole time, are simply amazing. The fact that he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him when we were both involved with someone else obviously tells us something. These conversations make me realize how much I've always cared for him, and how much he's always cared for me. Thinking of how we promise to never leave each other, doesn't scare me one bit. I don't mind the fact that we talk about it. I want to be with him for a long period of time. I changed and I can trust myself this time. These conversations are reassuring to me. They remind me of what we've been through and how much more we could get through. I know that I want to be with him. Like, I've never been more sure about a relationship in my entire lifetime. These conversations make me realize how much we truly are meant to be together.
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